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Hi! I’m a 35-year-old woman recently divorced after being married for 15 years. My marriage had been over for a while, so I was ready to move on. I decided to explore a casual friends-with-benefits arrangement since I didn’t want to repeat the one-night stands I had in my younger years. I found someone in a similar situation — a 34-year-old man who had recently divorced after 17 years — and we were both looking for the same kind of thing. Within just two weeks of talking, I spent the night at his place, and we had a great time. We watched 4 Marvel movies, had pizza, and spent half the night together in bed. We’ve been texting every day, and we’ve discovered so many things in common. It’s honestly a bit bizarre how much we’re alike: the same upbringing, similar life experiences, our past relationships were pretty similar, we enjoy the same music and movies, and even have the same sense of humor. We literally even have the same coffee order. It feels like he’s an extension of myself. I started staying over at his place every Friday since we both have that time free from our kids. A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally told him I love him during a passionate moment. Then last night, as we were falling asleep, I said I loved his eyes, and he responded with “I love you too.” Neither of us acknowledged it at the time, but we both have been hesitant to discuss it because neither of us wants commitment. However, it’s all developing so naturally and quickly, and it feels really good. The issue is that we’ve both only been single for a couple of months, and I’m starting to question whether this is a rebound or if I’m becoming attached too quickly. I’ve never been single before, and I really want to figure out who I am and what I want for myself. I don’t want a relationship right now, but I’m starting to fall pretty hard, and I don’t know how to slow it down — or if I even want to. I love being loved, the good morning texts, the cuddles, and being with someone who likes me for who I am, even if I’m a mess. Should I take a step back and give myself some space? Do I tell him I’m starting to feel more than just friends? Or should I just let things play out and see where they go? TL;DR: I’m falling for my FWB soon after my divorce. I’m not sure if it’s a rebound or if I’m just getting attached too quickly. Should I slow down, be honest about my feelings, or let it unfold? Help!

a month ago
51

It sounds like you’re navigating a complex and emotionally charged situation. First and foremost, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and the whirlwind of emotions that can arise after a significant life change like a divorce. Here are some points to consider as you reflect on your current FWB situation:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's completely normal to develop feelings for someone you’re spending a lot of time with, especially when you share so many common interests and experiences. The connection you’re feeling is not unusual given your similar backgrounds and recent life changes. However, it's essential to recognize that these feelings may stem from a combination of genuine affection and the emotional aftermath of your divorce.

2. Define Your Intentions

Before making any decisions, take some time to reflect on what you truly want. Ask yourself questions like:

  • What do I want from this relationship?
  • Am I looking for companionship, or do I genuinely want to explore a romantic relationship?
  • How do I feel about being single, and what does that mean for my personal growth?

Understanding your intentions will help you navigate your feelings more clearly.

3. Communication is Key

If you’re feeling more than just friendship, it might be beneficial to have an open and honest conversation with your FWB. You could say something like:

"Hey, I've been enjoying our time together a lot, and I wanted to share that I'm starting to feel a deeper connection. I know we agreed on a casual arrangement, but I think it's important to be honest about where I'm at."

This can help both of you assess where you stand and what you want moving forward.

4. Consider Taking a Step Back

If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, it might be worth considering a slight pause. Taking a step back doesn’t mean ending things, but rather giving yourself some space to evaluate your feelings and what you want. This could involve:

  • Spending less time together temporarily.
  • Engaging in activities that promote self-reflection, such as journaling or talking to friends.

It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and personal growth.

5. Understand the Risks of Rebounding

Falling quickly for someone after a divorce can sometimes be a rebound, especially if you’re seeking comfort or validation. It’s crucial to differentiate between genuine attraction and a desire to fill the void left by your previous relationship. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor, who can help you navigate these feelings.

6. Enjoy the Present, But Stay Grounded

It's okay to enjoy the positive aspects of your FWB relationship while remaining aware of your emotional state. Loving the attention and affection is natural, but it’s vital to balance those feelings with your desire for independence and personal growth. Allow yourself to experience joy without losing sight of your goals.

Conclusion

Ultimately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to your situation. Whether you choose to communicate your feelings, take a step back, or ride the wave of emotions, ensure that your choices align with your long-term goals and emotional health. Trust your instincts, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize yourself during this transitional phase in your life.

Take your time, and whatever you decide, make sure it feels right for you!

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