Editor’s note: This story contains content that readers may find disturbing, including graphic allegations of sexual assault.

Scarlett Pavlovich was a 22-year-old drama student when she met performer Amanda Palmer by chance on the streets of Auckland. It was a gray, drizzly afternoon in June 2020, and Palmer, then 44, was walking with actress Lucy Lawless, famous for her role as Xena the Warrior Princess. But Pavlovich noticed only Palmer. She had watched her TED Talk, The Art of Asking, and was captivated by the feminist writer and musician’s unabashed self-assurance.

On the surface, Pavlovich appeared self-assured as well. She had dropped out of high school at 15 to travel across Europe, Morocco, and the Middle East, eventually returning to Auckland to study acting and work at a perfumery. Pale, dark-haired, and waifish, she often wore bold colors and outrageous outfits. On the day she met Palmer, she had painted a triangle of translucent silver beneath her lower lashes, giving the impression of glittering tears. It was Pavlovich who approached Palmer outside the perfumery. A few days later, Palmer texted her: “It’s amanda d palmer. Your new friend.”

Palmer, an obsessive chronicler of her own life, is perhaps best known for her ability to attract a devoted following. In 2012, she became the first musician to raise over $1 million on Kickstarter. As she explained in her book The Art of Asking, she built her career on “messy exchanges of goodwill and the swapping of favors,” creating a community where “there was no distinction between fans and friends.”

Over the next year and a half, Pavlovich and Palmer occasionally met for drinks or meals. Palmer offered Pavlovich tickets to her shows and invited her to parties for her Patreon community on Waiheke Island, a bohemian retreat near Auckland. Pavlovich, who was estranged from her family and often strapped for cash, was happy to help Palmer with errands or babysitting. She had a crush on Palmer and didn’t mind that payment was rarely discussed.

In November 2020, Palmer invited Pavlovich to spend a weekend with a group of local artists. Pavlovich babysat Palmer’s son while Palmer got a massage. The next morning, Pavlovich wrote in her diary about the easy intimacy she felt in Palmer’s home. “The years absent of touch build up like a gray inheritance,” she wrote. “I’m hungry. I am so fucking famished.”

On February 1, 2022, Palmer texted Pavlovich asking if she could babysit for the weekend. Pavlovich had never met Palmer’s husband, Neil Gaiman, the acclaimed author of American Gods and The Sandman, but she knew who he was. Gaiman and Palmer had separated in 2020, and he was now living in a house near Palmer’s on Waiheke. Pavlovich agreed to help and was pleased when Palmer offered to pay her.

On February 4, Pavlovich arrived at Gaiman’s house, an asymmetrical A-frame overlooking the sea. After a brief tour of the grounds, Gaiman suggested she take a bath in the garden’s clawfoot tub. Pavlovich reluctantly agreed. A few minutes later, Gaiman returned, naked, and got into the tub with her. Despite her protests, he assaulted her.

Pavlovich retreated to Palmer’s house, where she sat in the shower for an hour, crying. She searched the internet for information about Gaiman but found nothing about sexual misconduct. The only negative stories were about his violation of COVID lockdown rules.

Palmer later texted Pavlovich, praising her for getting along with her son and asking if she would consider staying with them long-term. Pavlovich, who was about to lose her sublet and had no safety net, agreed. She texted Gaiman: “I am consumed by thoughts of you, the things you will do to me. I’m so hungry. What a terrible creature you’ve turned me into.”

Gaiman’s alleged behavior contrasts sharply with his public persona as a feminist and advocate for marginalized voices. His work often explores themes of power and abuse, but he has consistently positioned himself as a champion of women.

In July 2023, a British podcast, Master, reported allegations of sexual assault against Gaiman by multiple women. Since then, more women have come forward with similar stories. Gaiman has denied the allegations, claiming all interactions were consensual.

Gaiman’s childhood may offer some insight into his behavior. Born into a family deeply involved in Scientology, Gaiman experienced a turbulent upbringing. His parents, David and Sheila, were early adherents of the church, and Gaiman worked as an auditor during his teenage years. The church’s disciplinary practices, which included harsh punishments for children, may have influenced his worldview.

In his novel The Ocean at the End of the Lane, Gaiman writes about a young boy who suffers at the hands of his family and a monstrous nanny. Gaiman has called the book his most personal work, suggesting that the boy represents his younger self.

As allegations against Gaiman continue to surface, his legacy as a beloved author and feminist icon is being reexamined. For Pavlovich and others, the stories they tell are not just about Gaiman but about the power dynamics that enable abuse and the difficulty of confronting it.

This article delves into the complex and disturbing allegations against Neil Gaiman, exploring the contrast between his public persona and the darker aspects of his private life. It highlights the experiences of Scarlett Pavlovich and other women, shedding light on the power dynamics and personal histories that may have shaped Gaiman’s behavior.