Jessika Doria2 months agoHow do I overcome overthinking and anxiety in dating and relationships? question Hi everyone, I (M30) am currently in the early stages of getting to know someone (F29) I really like. Things are going great on the surface, and there are so many positive signs that it’s going well, but I’ve realized that my own insecurities are holding me back from fully enjoying this experience. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s dealt with similar feelings and can offer some advice. Here’s some context: We’ve had several dates (we’ve met 4 times in about a week or so :D), and they’ve all gone really well (I’ve already kissed her too). She’s given me many signs that she’s more than interested and genuinely likes me. For instance, I gave her a handwritten card as part of a small Christmas gift (along with tea, chocolate, and shower gel), where I wrote a few heartfelt words and drew a little heart. She told me how much she loved it, saying it was sweet and funny, especially because my handwriting looked "childish." She even read it again later and messaged me about how much she appreciated it, which meant a lot to me. After one of our dates, she wrote, “Thanks for today, that was very brave of you,” referring to the kiss and my honesty about my feelings. She also mentioned that although she normally enjoys spending time alone, with me, she feels the desire to see me often. She told me that it’s unusual for her to want to spend so much time with someone so quickly and said it felt special. Another big sign is that she booked a wellness appointment for us in mid-February, which clearly shows she’s thinking about spending time together in the future. It’s also clear from the way she looks at me, cuddles up to me, and talks to me that she’s emotionally invested in getting to know me better. At one point, she said that she finds it hard to process compliments because she hasn’t had this kind of connection in a long time. However, she has made a few compliments herself and seems genuinely happy when I compliment her. Despite all these positive signs, I find it hard to fully believe her words and actions. She’s told me explicitly that she’s serious about us but wants to take things slowly and patiently because she’s had bad experiences in the past and hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. For instance, she’s not yet ready for full physical intimacy, though we’ve talked about it openly. I’ve shown her that I understand, and she explained that while she has a strong desire for it, she needs to take her time and ask for patience due to her past experiences. I’ve also realized that I’ve become emotionally dependent, especially when we’re not seeing each other in person. For example, I tend to overanalyze every text message she sends and feel uneasy when there’s a gap in communication. Even though I know rationally that she’s busy or just taking some time for herself, I struggle to accept that and often crave constant contact. Another issue is my overthinking. During one of our dates, I made a silly comment that briefly ruined the mood. She reassured me later that it wasn’t a big deal and even told me she didn’t want any tension between us. Despite this, I spent days obsessing over it, beating myself up for making a mistake, and letting it overshadow all the positive things that happened. Now, I’m about to go on vacation for one or two weeks (funnily enough, she also goes to the same location at least for a few days, which was already booked before we knew each other). I’m worried that the lack of physical contact might cool things off or that I’ll spiral into my own insecurities. I want to learn how to handle these situations more calmly and trust her without feeling like I constantly need reassurance.41
Jessika DoriaJessika Doria