Devan Milani2 months agoMy girlfriend (22F) said she feels like she could cheat on me(22M). How do we fix this relationship? My girlfriend (22F) said she feels like she could cheat on me(22M). Is it normal? Hello guys, so for some detail: we are basically high school sweethearts and have been dating continuously for 6.5 years. We had some problems in our families and both my and her father basically cheated on our moms ( it will be an important detail later ). I would say I am not a crazily restrictive boyfriend I don’t generally care what she wears or what she does but I never feel comfortable when she is drinking and there are boys around with her. In the last few months she has been saying things like “I haven’t been feeling like myself” or “I genuinely love you, but I just haven’t been feeling the spark for a while, I am sure it will come back we just need some time” etc. So I have accepted this as she also had a really bad past and I find it normal when she has some psychologically hard periods. She also said things like “I don’t know if I wanna be in a relationship, it is just too much work and I don’t want to tell you where I am going everyday” or “I feel like we are in our comfort zones with eachother and aren’t getting better as people”. I did not agree with these statements as I feel like it is normal to notify your partner when you have a plan and also normal to be more comfortable with who you are at that exact time when you have a loving partner. I have been a jerk too though, I had to go on a trip, it was a necessity and the trip was from friday to sunday and I told her I wanted to spend some time together and cook for her before I am gone bc I don’t like being away and want to feel close before leaving. After a week or so she said there was this party on thursday that she had bought tickets for and she wanted to go. I started a fight and was not nice about this problem tbh. Than in the end she did not go to that party and we spent time together. In the meantime she also started smoking, which we both hate normally. And when I confronted her, she said “it makes me feel at ease, I know when to stop, you can’t do anything about it”. I was slightly mad but accepted. And now the main part: she is a student council member and they were organising an internal christmas party. She went there and I felt somewhat bad for making her cancel her last party and to not make her feel restricted I basically didn’t even send a single message. After she came home I asked her how much he drank and stuff and she just got mad, and slept saying she was tired. The next day I asked once again why she hadn’t told me how much she drank although we had agreed to it 3 years ago and have been doing continuously since than. She started crying and told me “You deserve a better girlfriend than me, I haven’t been acting good or like a girl who has a boyfriend”. We both are pretty jealous about touching so we agree that we shouldn’t be physically close with others and she said she was being physically closer to people and so on and once felt like she could kiss another guy and than felt totally guilty about it. I couldn’t really keep on listening as I was shook and drank some wine left the house went on a walk for 6 hours in the middle of the night. I than got calmer and was like ok so it is a thing that happened for a single second and she felt guilty directly after that. It is not good but she was honest with me and feels guilty too. So I can forgive her. But than my curiosity got the better of me and I asked her about details. I have been feeling like I was shot in the head ever since. She actually had been dancing with the guy for some time and knew he was paying attention to her and they were basically somewhat flirting with each other. And the kiss feeling came to her while dancing basically after some time flirting. I asked her what she found better in him than me, as she hasn’t been physically even close to me for months now. She said it had nothing to do with her she just liked the attention without the commitment. And I said ok you know my views about alcohol and parties, did your view change, and she said no I still don’t think someone who is confident in theirselves will cheat even if they are blackout drunk. Than I said so why wasn’t it this way for you, and she answered ”ok I am not sure I won’t cheat on you”. I really couldn’t get over the details. It wasn’t a spontaneous thing and whenever we have some time together I still feel really happy to be around her but I haven’t been able to sleep comfortably for weeks thinking about, what could have happened had party gone on for 15 minutes longer or how I will be staying home like a dumbass waiting for her to come back naively while she is out there at a party the next time. She still tells me that I am the most precious person in her whole life and stuff but I don’t really believe her deep down. I still have a great time with her, I don’t want to be with someone else or anything like that. I sometimes go cold and may not speak with her for a few days but than I feel the sudden urge to talk and hug and I just can’t stop myself from loving her deeply. I just want our relationship to be how it was just a few months back and have memories from that time in my head constantly. She asks me for some time and says she hasn’t been feeling like herself at all and feels guilt. What would you do if you were in my place? What shall I feel? Can this relationship be fixed if we give enough effort and if yes what do we do? Thanks for your ideas and don’t hesitate to ask for more details.41
Devan MilaniDevan Milani