Finn Gaynor2 months agoI’m a 26-year-old man in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 27, and we’ve been together for 16 months. Throughout our time together, I’ve tried to address some concerns I have about our relationship by having sit-down conversations. During these discussions, I’ve expressed feelings like, “I’m mourning some of the experiences I expected to share with my partner that you’re not interested in,” and more recently, “It feels like our relationship is on medication for depression; the highs should be more exhilarating, and the lows should feel more impactful. Everything feels too stable, and I find myself feeling overly comfortable.” However, whenever I initiate these conversations, his first response is always, “Are we breaking up?” If I reassure him that we’re not, he tends to revert to his usual behavior, as if nothing has changed. It’s as if he views our relationship in a binary way—either we’re a couple, or we’re not—leaving no room for a middle ground where things can evolve without being on the verge of a breakup. When I confronted him about his lack of engagement with my concerns, he said, “Well, it seems like you process your emotions by talking them out, so I don’t take those comments too seriously. When you come to a conclusion, I’ll pay attention to that.” This response makes me feel like he’s dismissing my feelings and implying that my concerns aren’t well thought out, which feels like gaslighting. I’m looking for guidance on how to approach this situation. How can I encourage him to take our discussions more seriously and move beyond this binary perspective on our relationship?28
Finn GaynorFinn Gaynor