Barnabas Marie-Christine2 months agoI’m a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 24. I love him, but I’m struggling with the amount of cuddling we do at night. He’s a tall, 6'3", 230-pound guy with a lot of body hair and long hair down to his back. He falls asleep almost instantly, but I have insomnia and it takes me much longer to drift off. We’ve been sleeping together almost every night for several months now. Typically, I lay on my side and he wraps himself around me, which is sweet, but it often leads to him snoring in my ear. When I finally feel ready to sleep, I usually roll onto my back to get comfortable. I thought this was a fair compromise, but recently it hasn’t felt like enough for him. He’s been expressing that my reluctance to cuddle all night makes him feel rejected, and he’s been guilt-tripping me about it. He claims that I’m not fulfilling my role as a girlfriend and that my behavior is hurting him. I’ve suggested finding a sleeping position that works for both of us, but he often moves me into whatever position he prefers, leaving me uncomfortable and without a pillow. His comments have become hurtful, and he often jokes about my struggles with sleep as if they’re trivial. I’ve cried myself to sleep multiple times after these arguments, feeling like I’m being blamed for not showing enough affection. He’s said things like, “If you don’t want to cuddle, maybe you should find someone who isn’t affectionate at all,” and “Fine, we’ll just sleep like strangers.” I love him deeply and don’t want our relationship to end over this issue, but I’m beginning to wonder if we’re simply not compatible in this aspect. I’m tired of feeling like a terrible girlfriend for wanting to find a comfortable sleeping arrangement. Is it unreasonable for me to want to prioritize my comfort and sleep? Do most couples cuddle all night, or is there a better way for us to compromise?23
Barnabas Marie-ChristineBarnabas Marie-Christine