Meagan Santiago2 months agoI (27M) and my wife (26F) met online about 5 years ago. Our relationship was young, and after a year of dating, we decided to get married. It wasn’t anything extravagant, just a courthouse wedding. To make a long story short, she’s fallen out of love with me. She’s been battling depression for about two years, and over the past year, she’s been grappling with thoughts like "What if we’re not soulmates?" and "What if we’re not compatible?" It all came to a head when she told me that she doesn’t love me anymore and wants a divorce so she can leave and find happiness. Here’s a bit of insight from my perspective: She says she’s not really attracted to me, and even when we first met, I wasn’t her type. She had always dreamed of a grand wedding, but we couldn’t afford that, and COVID was also a factor. She’s always wanted traditional dates like going to the movies, but I’ve asked her for examples to better understand what she’s looking for, and she hasn’t given me any. She says she loves me, loves how I take care of her, and enjoys her life with me, but she feels numb and isn’t truly happy. She didn’t have the best example of love growing up, so she bases her expectations on what she’s seen in movies. I, on the other hand, grew up with parents who had a strong, healthy relationship. I don’t think I can meet her expectations of love, and I’m not sure she’s willing to work on things. I’m deeply hurt because I love her so much, but I feel powerless. She’s agreed to couples counseling and has allowed me to join her in speaking with her therapist, but she still says she wants to leave. I won’t try to stop her if that’s what she wants, but it’s incredibly painful, and I don’t understand it. For me, our relationship has always been about making the most of it. I’ve always been open to new ideas and trying things. She’s told me that we’re not compatible because “I don’t like the beach or being outdoors.” I reminded her that we used to go to the beach often, where I’d read or snorkel with her. While it’s not something I’d seek out on my own, I did enjoy doing it with her. The same goes for other outdoor activities like hiking or biking. When we hang out, we have fun, and she says she enjoys the comfort I provide, but she just feels sad all the time. Over the past year, two of her friends have had serious relationship issues. One friend ended in divorce, and the other led to us distancing ourselves from them. The divorced friend became manic and left her husband, and she and my wife would talk about how they were considering leaving their husbands. My wife has even said that the divorced husband is a “catch” and that he’s an amazing man. I believe he is a great guy too—throughout his wife’s struggles, he did everything he could to support her. One more thing: my wife uses marijuana to cope with these feelings and has been doing so for a while. Has anyone else experienced something similar, either from their own side or their partner’s? How did it turn out?3468
Meagan SantiagoMeagan Santiago