Tria Tawnya2 months agoMy husband (40M) has told me I’m allowed to go through his phone, but he also warns that I shouldn’t get upset if I find things I don’t like. Three years ago, I started feeling uncomfortable with the communication between him and a co-worker of his (32F). There were things happening outside of work that raised red flags for me, and I brought my concerns to him. Instead of addressing them, he responded by deleting texts and phone calls and keeping me out of the loop. The lies started piling up, and I just can’t seem to understand the choices he’s made. At the time, he told me he was deleting things to avoid hurting my feelings, but that hasn’t really helped my trust in him. Fast forward to now, and I’m at the point where I’m done. I asked for a divorce, and all of a sudden, he seems to do a complete 180. He now acts as though he’s ready to give me everything I’ve been asking for, but I’m having a hard time believing that this change is permanent. An example of this is that last week, I asked to see his phone, and he nearly had a panic attack. A few days later, he changed his passcode because he said I “hurt his feelings.” Now, he says it doesn’t matter if I go through his phone, but if I find something I don’t like, then that’s my fault for "digging" in the first place. I don’t have proof that he’s cheating. I’m not even entirely concerned with whether he’s cheating or not. What hurts more is the constant lying and keeping secrets from me. I’m stuck wondering whether I should stay in this marriage. He may not technically be cheating, but I feel disrespected by his closeness with this co-worker and the way he’s handled everything. I don’t like how I’ve become so distrustful, and I just want peace and a sense of security again.1692
Tria TawnyaTria Tawnya