Nichole Shae2 months agoMy wife (38F) and I (41M) have been married for 15 years and together for 17. We had a great start, but things have really changed over the past 4-5 years. The biggest issue is our differing views on having children. When we first got married, we agreed to wait to have kids and focus on building our lives. Neither of us wanted children in our 20s, so we postponed the idea. But now, at 41, I’m ready to have children, and she’s still saying “later.” She agreed to stop taking birth control, but then insisted I use condoms every time we had sex. My biological clock is ticking, and I fear that if we wait too long, it may be impossible for us to have a child or risk having a child with disabilities due to our age. She won’t openly admit that she doesn’t want children, and I’ve started to lose trust in her words. Even if I came to terms with not having children, there are other problems. We’ve become emotionally distant. While she’s never been overly romantic, we used to enjoy spending time together—going on dates, watching shows. Now, she’s always on her phone, and we rarely do anything together. Our sex life, which was already low, has become non-existent since last August. During our 15th anniversary, we went to a lakehouse to have a conversation, and she told me that she doesn’t love me the same way anymore. I understood that love changes over time, but it felt like she was completely indifferent to our life together and unwilling to make any changes. I continue to show emotional appreciation, like giving thoughtful handmade gifts, but she rarely reciprocates. She forgets important dates like our anniversary, and when I try to help more with the housework, she criticizes how I do things. I’ve tried to make things easier by bringing in cleaning tools and offering to hire help, but she refuses. Even though I make much more money than her, she values her job over our marriage. She works late, comes home exhausted, and refuses to focus on building a family. Her job isn’t a high-stress or career-oriented position, and it’s hard for me to understand why she’s so committed to it. I’m certain she’s not cheating. It’s more that she seems completely content with a shallow existence, and I don’t know how to bridge that gap. If I divorced her, it would take a long time for me to recover and be ready for a new relationship. At my age (42-43), how would I even find someone to start a family with? Ideally, I’d like someone younger than me, within a "fertile" age range and without children from a previous relationship. I suggested counseling, and she agreed. I’ve been going to therapy individually, but after three months, she still hasn’t booked a session for herself. The worst part is, I still love her deeply. Every day, I see glimpses of the woman I fell in love with. When she giggles, my heart melts instantly. I don’t want to give up on us, but I’m lost and unsure of what to do next.2689
Nichole ShaeNichole Shae