Janelle Diane2 months agoWhen I first met my husband, he was a single father to two children, and that was part of what attracted me to him—his devotion to family. From the beginning, he told me about his niece, who he often described as a bright girl lacking a father figure and coming from a financially unstable family. He mentioned that she came over regularly because she needed support, and he was stepping up to help her. However, after we moved in together, I realized the situation was a bit different, and much more serious than he had initially explained. My husband asked his daughter to share her room with his niece, and now it’s “their room.” His niece is here almost every day, and over time, I’ve seen a lot of behaviors that I find unsettling. She picks fights with his daughter and can be very nasty toward her. The worst part is, while I was led to believe she was underprivileged and he was stepping up to help, she has become extremely spoiled and entitled. She constantly asks for things, acts like we’re rich (which we are definitely not), and demands money or new stuff. Her mother is also difficult for me to connect with—she lets her daughter do whatever she wants, and when there’s a problem, she calls my husband for help, whether it’s picking her up from school, paying for gymnastics, or running errands. Honestly, I’m really frustrated by all of it. I feel guilty for resenting an 11-year-old, but it’s hard not to. She’s constantly disruptive, a smart-aleck, and instigates problems. I’ve talked to my husband about this several times, telling him I’m uncomfortable and feel that his involvement in her life has made her more ungrateful and worse than she used to be. It’s obvious he cares deeply about her, especially since he didn’t have a father growing up, and he feels this need to step in. I tried to suggest a solution, like setting specific days for her to stay with us, and at first, he agreed. However, that arrangement only lasted about two weeks. There are still times when I wake up on the weekend, go to the living room, and find her there, playing games because her mom dropped her off early without telling me. It makes me feel so uncomfortable that I end up retreating to my room and avoiding the situation altogether. I honestly don’t feel like I can relax in my own living room anymore. On top of everything, money is tight for us, and it’s hard for me to accept the fact that we’re paying for everything for her—school supplies, Christmas presents, extracurricular activities, even stocking stuffers. When I try to say that it’s too much and that her mom should be taking care of these things, my husband gets defensive, reminding me that he offered to help her. Since he’s the primary breadwinner, I feel like I don’t have much of a say in the matter, even though I work really hard taking care of my stepchildren. I feel stuck in a situation that I never agreed to, and it’s really beginning to create negative feelings for me. I love my husband, but I feel resentment toward him and his niece. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way, but I can’t help it.1606
Janelle DianeJanelle Diane