Theodore Asterion2 months agoI (20M) recently had a conversation with my girlfriend (20F), and she told me that she doesn't feel special in our relationship. She mentioned that no one, including me, has ever done anything "special" for her, and it really struck me. I’ve heard her out, and while I understand her wanting more romantic gestures like planned surprises, letters, etc., I’m struggling to understand her feelings. I’m more than happy to work on making those thoughtful gestures a bigger part of our relationship, but here’s the thing: she said that if she has to tell me what she wants, then anything I do won’t feel special anymore. And that really threw me off. I feel like I can’t just guess what she wants if she doesn’t tell me, much like if I were to get mad at her for not buying me my favorite game without asking. How am I supposed to know? I do try to show her I care in my own way. For example, I’ve walked to Taco Bell in the cold to bring her food when she’s been in bed, ordered DoorDash for her when we’re apart and she’s hungry, bought her random gifts, always make sure she has flowers, and I give her cards or small presents. Whenever she wants something, I buy it for her, and I’m always giving her massages or back scratches—anything to make her comfortable. We’re both in college and on a tight budget, so I spend most of my money on her or on things we can do together. I do all this because I love her and want her to feel special. But I’m struggling with this idea that communicating her needs somehow makes those gestures less meaningful. I’m trying my best to make her feel loved and appreciated, and I just don’t get why her telling me she wants more romantic gestures makes them feel "not special." I’d really appreciate some advice on how to handle this and how I can make her feel the way she wants to feel without misunderstanding her needs.1592
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Theodore AsterionTheodore Asterion