Katia Agostino2 months agoI (21F) don’t know how to approach my boyfriend (26M) about an issue I’ve been having with him and my friend. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he knows that my best friend (who is 21) and I have been close for 10 years. Recently, we went out to celebrate her 21st birthday, and I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable with how my boyfriend reacted. My boyfriend doesn’t get along very well with my friend and doesn’t agree with some of her views, which is fine — we all have different opinions. But he seems to think that if I spend time with her, I’ll adopt her views or start acting like her, which isn’t true. For example, he’s had issues with her relationship with her boyfriend (they fight a lot, break up and get back together, and she’ll say she’s “single” during those times). He seems to think that her behavior will rub off on me, even though I’ve made it clear that I don’t agree with her choices in that regard. When I went out with her for her birthday, my boyfriend didn’t want me to go, and when I tried explaining why I wanted to go, he kept saying that my friend is a “bad influence” and he didn’t want me around her. He told me he didn’t trust her influence over me, but when I asked for specifics, he couldn’t give me a clear reason. He just said she’s a bad influence and left it at that. He also told me that he doesn’t want me going out with her, but he’s fine with me going out with my sister — who’s 14 years older than me — but that wasn’t the vibe my friend was going for her birthday. To make matters worse, when I was leaving to go out, he asked what I was wearing, which felt a little degrading. I was bending over to put on my shoes when he asked, and while I didn’t think too much of it, it did make me feel uncomfortable. I’ve tried explaining to him that just because my friend does something doesn’t mean I will. I don’t see why I should stop spending time with my best friend, especially since she’s one of the only people I talk to aside from family. We’ve been through a lot together, and I don’t want to feel like I can’t hang out with her just because my boyfriend doesn’t like her. I don’t go out every weekend, and I’m not planning on going out all the time. But I don’t want my boyfriend to dictate who I spend time with or where I go. I want to be able to enjoy time with my friends and still respect my relationship with him, but he seems to be making this about control, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. How do I tell him that I can make my own decisions and don’t need him to decide who I can be friends with?161
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Katia AgostinoKatia Agostino