Crew Myrtle2 months ago"I (26M) met this girl (24F) in early 2024, and we’ve been dating for about a year now. She has a great job making 50k a year and is very ambitious, with plans to reach 200k at the peak of her career. I currently work in sales, earning 30k plus commission. We’ve both dated a lot of people in the past, but we’ve both agreed that this connection is the best we’ve ever had. Naturally, the next step would be for me to make her my girlfriend. However, I have some debt that feels like a weight on my shoulders. I don’t want this debt to affect her, and I also don’t want her to feel like she’s at fault for me not taking the next step in our relationship. How should I approach this situation?" Response: First off, it’s great to hear that you and she have such a strong connection. It sounds like you’re both on the same page about the relationship and your feelings for each other. That’s a good foundation for having an open and honest conversation, which will be key in this situation. Here are a few things to consider as you approach this: Open Communication: It’s important to be honest with her about the concerns you have, especially if you’re feeling weighed down by your debt. However, you don’t want to overburden her with all the details if it doesn’t directly affect her, but explaining that it’s something that’s on your mind and you don’t want it to affect the relationship is key. You could say something like, “I’m really happy with how things are going between us, and I think we have something really special. But there’s something I’ve been thinking about—my financial situation. I want to make sure I’m in a better place before taking the next step in our relationship, because I don’t want my debt to have an impact on us.” Don’t Let Debt Define You: While it’s understandable to feel like your financial situation may affect the relationship, try not to let it define your worth as a partner. Being transparent about the fact that you’re working on it shows responsibility. And remember, most people appreciate someone who is actively working to improve their financial situation, rather than hiding it or letting it control them. Reassure Her: Let her know that your hesitation to make her your girlfriend isn’t about her or your feelings for her—it’s about you wanting to be in a place where you feel secure and can fully give your best to the relationship. This can help her understand that the delay isn’t due to any uncertainty about the relationship but rather due to your personal growth process. Focus on Your Personal Growth: Rather than feeling like your debt is a reason to hold back, think about how you’re taking steps to improve your situation. If you’re actively working toward paying down the debt, share that with her. Ambition and responsibility are attractive qualities, and she may appreciate your drive and determination. Don’t Rush: If you’re feeling like you’re not ready to make the commitment just yet because of the debt, that’s okay. It’s better to move forward when you feel secure in your own situation rather than rushing into something you’re not completely ready for. Ultimately, she likely values you for who you are, not just your financial situation. If you communicate openly and honestly, chances are she’ll understand and be supportive of your growth. Relationships aren’t about having everything figured out; they’re about being supportive of each other through the ups and downs. So, be open with her and give her a chance to understand where you’re coming from. 57
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