Bertina Calista2 months agoI'm 17F and 21 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is 17M, and we’re dealing with this situation together, though I’m struggling a lot with how he’s handling it. He admits that he didn’t tell me when the condom broke, which is partly why we’re in this situation, and while I understand that it takes two, it’s still a tough pill to swallow. The past few months have been a whirlwind with telling our families and trying to process everything. I’m finally at a point where I can think about our situation more logically. Before I got pregnant, my boyfriend had plans to go to college on a lacrosse scholarship. He’s worked for this scholarship his whole life, and I understand why it’s difficult for him to give up. His family is wealthy, but college out of state is still only possible because of this scholarship. Initially, I accepted that we’d make it work, but now that I’ve had more time to think about it, I feel like moving out of state would be really hard on me. I have a strong support system here, and my parents are more than willing to help with the baby. Thankfully, I’m not worried about the financial aspect too much because I can finish high school and college online, with help from my parents. My issue is that my boyfriend won’t consider any other options. I’ve explained that there are options that would be way better for our situation, but every time I bring it up, he shuts me down and says, “I’ll do what I think is best for us,” which feels like he’s not taking my concerns seriously. I’ve made it clear that I won’t be able to move out of state with him due to the lack of support, and even though I know my state’s tuition is covered by the state program if your grades are high enough (which mine are), he keeps denying that it’s an option. I also suggested that he look into online classes or consider joining the military for benefits, including free college tuition later on. But he dismisses all these ideas. His parents also say they’ll pay for his flights back every weekend to see our daughter, which doesn’t seem realistic to me, especially since he would be gone for 3-4 days a week for lacrosse. Plus, with the schedule of games, I don’t think it’s practical at all. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve told him I simply cannot move, and he and his parents are trying to ignore it. He thinks we could make long-distance work while he’s in college, but I don’t think I can raise our daughter on my own while he continues with his life. I want to believe he’ll make the right decision, but it’s hard to stay positive about the relationship when I feel like he’s not considering the reality of our situation. I’m also concerned that if I continue to push this, I’m just exhausting myself emotionally. I’ve been trying to convince him to be a present father, but he’s not hearing me. I want to make this work, but I’m struggling to stay hopeful. Do I continue to fight for this relationship, or do I walk away, considering the circumstances? Answer (Rewritten): It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult situation, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions you’re having to make, especially with the added pressure of your pregnancy. You’re in a tough spot, trying to balance your own needs, the baby’s needs, and your boyfriend’s future plans. It’s clear that you’re thinking through everything logically and trying to find a solution that works for both of you, but it’s frustrating when it feels like your concerns aren’t being taken seriously. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are completely valid. You’re not just trying to make things harder for him; you’re considering what’s best for you and the baby. The idea of raising a child on your own while he’s out of state pursuing his scholarship is a huge challenge, especially when he won’t consider alternatives or see the reality of the situation. Moving away and being left to raise a baby with minimal support while he’s living a full college life just isn’t a fair or sustainable situation for you, and it’s really concerning that he and his family aren’t acknowledging that. The fact that he’s not willing to consider any of your suggestions, like staying in-state for college, doing online classes, or exploring the military for benefits, is a red flag. A partnership is about compromise and considering both people’s needs, and it seems like he’s dismissing your concerns in favor of his own plan without really considering how it affects you. I can understand that you want to believe he’ll change and that things will work out, but you also need to ask yourself if this relationship is providing you with the support and partnership you need. It sounds like you’ve been trying to convince him to see things from your perspective, but it’s exhausting, and you shouldn’t have to keep trying so hard if he’s not meeting you halfway. You deserve someone who respects your concerns and works with you to find a solution that benefits both of you, not someone who ignores the realities of your situation. Ultimately, you have to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your child. If continuing this relationship means sacrificing your happiness and stability, it may be worth considering whether it’s the right choice. Relationships can be really challenging, especially when big life changes happen, but you shouldn’t have to put aside your own needs for the sake of someone else’s plans. Take some time to think about what’s best for you and the baby, and don’t be afraid to make decisions that protect your future, even if it’s hard. You’re allowed to set boundaries, and you deserve to feel heard and supported. If he doesn’t start listening to you and considering your needs, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship and whether it’s truly healthy for both of you. Trust your instincts, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize yourself right now.76
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Bertina CalistaBertina Calista