Roddy Dallas2 months agoDuring the pandemic, I met a girl through a pen-pal app, and we started exchanging letters quite frequently. I’m from Latin America, and she’s from Western Europe, which led to a fascinating exploration of cultural differences. Our correspondence was a lot of fun, and we would reply to each other’s letters almost immediately. Over time, we both agreed that keeping our friendship off social media was best. But eventually, we began calling each other on Discord and playing online video games together. Things were going well until she started ghosting me. I wasn’t sure why at first, but she later reached out and explained. She told me that her boyfriend had read our letters and was uncomfortable with the level of intimacy in our conversations. While our exchanges had always been friendly, she admitted that they might have seemed flirty, though she reassured me that our connection was purely platonic on both sides. She acknowledged that it was creating tension in her relationship. After some discussion, we agreed to keep things as they were, but eventually, she ghosted me again. Since then (2022), I haven’t reached out, as I didn’t want to cause any discomfort or intrude. Now, as I plan a trip to Europe in 2025, I realize I’ll finally have the opportunity to visit her country. This is a trip I’ve always dreamed of, whether or not she’s a part of it. A part of me feels like I shouldn’t contact her again, but another part of me wonders if I’ll regret not reaching out to reconnect, even just to meet in person. Should I reach out to her? If so, what’s the best way to approach it? Thanks for taking the time to read this. Answer (Rewritten): It sounds like you’ve had a meaningful connection with this person, and I understand the hesitation you feel now that you have the opportunity to visit her country. Here’s some advice on how to approach this situation: Consider the Current Situation: Before reaching out, take a moment to think about where things stand now. The fact that she ghosted you twice—once due to her boyfriend’s concerns and again after agreeing to maintain your platonic friendship—indicates that there might still be unresolved feelings or boundaries. It’s possible that she’s still in a relationship and things may not have changed on her end. It’s important to recognize her current situation and whether reaching out might cause her any discomfort or disrupt her relationship again. Respect Boundaries: She made it clear in the past that your communication was creating issues in her relationship. If you decide to contact her, approach it carefully and respectfully. Acknowledge the past and let her know that you understand her position and boundaries. You could start by expressing that you’ve thought about her and the time you spent connecting, but you’re aware of how things were left before. It’s important to make it clear that you respect her relationship and her boundaries. Be Honest About Your Intentions: It’s essential to be clear with her about why you’re reaching out. If your intention is simply to reconnect as friends and you’re in a relationship, make that clear. If you're hoping to meet her in person while you're traveling, say so. Honesty is key to ensuring that you’re both on the same page and that no one feels uncomfortable or pressured. Accept the Outcome: Be prepared for the possibility that she may not want to reconnect, especially if her relationship has changed or if she still feels that maintaining a connection could complicate things for her. If she’s not interested, respect her decision and don’t take it personally. It’s important to be mature and understanding if she’s not open to rekindling the friendship. Give Her Space to Respond: When you reach out, give her the space and time to respond. Avoid pushing her for an answer right away. Understand that she may need some time to process the situation before replying. To approach her, you could start with a brief and respectful message that acknowledges the past and lets her know you’re planning a trip to her country. For example: “Hey [Her Name], I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been thinking about our past correspondence, and I realize I’m planning a trip to [Country] in 2025. I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but I wanted to reach out and say hi. I completely respect the boundaries we discussed earlier and just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. If you’re open to it, I’d love to reconnect, even if just as friends. If not, I totally understand and wish you all the best.” This approach allows you to reach out in a thoughtful way without overstepping boundaries, while also giving her the space to decide whether or not she wants to reconnect. Ultimately, the decision to reach out depends on your intentions and the level of respect you have for her and her relationship. Being mindful of her feelings and setting clear expectations will go a long way in ensuring that you approach this situation with maturity and respect. 146
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