Presley Sybella2 months agoI (22F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for over two years, and we’ve always communicated in English. He moved to Germany five years ago and wants to learn German, but his day-to-day interactions, including with me, are mostly in English. Recently, he asked why I don’t speak German with him, and I told him it’s just easier for me to speak English. He then asked if I preferred to always speak English, and I said yes. He sarcastically responded with, "Thanks for your effort," and left the bed. I apologized and suggested we try to compromise, but he shut down and didn’t want to discuss it further. The next morning, we had a tense silence. Switching languages feels unnatural after two years of speaking English, and sometimes his German mistakes or pretending to understand things when he doesn’t frustrate me. While I want to support his learning, I feel it’s reasonable to stick to English, where communication feels easier and more natural. I’m questioning if I’m being unfair in this situation, and whether I should make more of an effort to speak German with him, even if it feels frustrating. TL;DR: I don’t feel comfortable speaking German with my boyfriend after two years of speaking English. He wants to practice German, but his mistakes make communication frustrating. He got upset when I said I prefer English, and now there’s tension. Am I being unfair? Update: After reflecting, I realize I was being selfish and unfair. We had a heated argument about our relationship, but afterward, he reassured me of his commitment to our future. We’ve started speaking more German, and it’s getting easier. I still prefer English, but I understand the importance of supporting his language learning. However, I recently discovered a note on his phone where he vented about me, calling me selfish and saying he’s sacrificing everything for me with nothing in return. I also saw he’d been watching videos like "Why do you want a girlfriend?" and "Why being alone is better than any relationship." This contradicts his reassurances, and I feel hurt and conflicted, though I haven’t mentioned it to him since I wasn’t supposed to see it. TL;DR: I realized I was selfish and have committed to improving. After an argument, my boyfriend reassured me of his commitment, but I found a note where he vented negatively about me and watched videos questioning relationships, which hurts and confuses me. I haven’t brought it up since I wasn’t supposed to see it.143
Presley SybellaPresley Sybella