Iskandar Othman2 months agoMy fiancée, Sarah (36F), has decided to break off our engagement and end our relationship because she’s upset over the fact that I (37M) still communicate with my ex-wife, Alexandria. This situation has escalated recently after Sarah looked through my phone and found texts between Alexandria and me. It's not the first time this has happened. To clarify, I continue to stay in touch with Alexandria because we share children together. The kids live with me full-time, and I’m their sole provider. Alexandria and I divorced a few years ago during the pandemic, and both of us have since moved on in different directions. I started dating Sarah last summer, which, I realize, is fairly quick, but we’ve been very happy together. The main issue is that Sarah doesn’t like the idea of me communicating with Alexandria. She’s uncomfortable with it, especially after a couple of tense encounters between them. The first was on Thanksgiving last year when Alexandria came to pick up the kids, and they didn’t hit it off. Sarah was upset by the interaction, and she even packed her things and nearly left me at that point. However, we managed to work through that situation, but it clearly left some unresolved tension. I should mention that Alexandria has made an effort to get to know Sarah better because she’s now living with me and the kids. But Sarah has refused to even try to be cordial with her, which has created an ongoing rift. To be fair, I knew this would be hard for Sarah, and I understand her feelings, but I also feel that it’s a bit unreasonable to expect me to sever ties with Alexandria entirely, especially when our kids are involved. The tipping point came today when Sarah went through my phone while I was away for a short time. In the texts she found, there were two key things that upset her. The first was a conversation where I told Alexandria a bit about Sarah’s past trauma, specifically about how Sarah had been cheated on by her ex-husband. I shared this with Alexandria to help her understand Sarah’s behavior and to encourage her to be more patient and compassionate toward her. The second was a text exchange in which I gave Alexandria some input on a birthday gift for one of our kids. These two conversations were days apart, but to Sarah, this seemed like evidence that I was too close to my ex. Sarah’s decision to end things with me came immediately after finding those texts. She said she felt betrayed, especially by the fact that I shared something so personal about her past with Alexandria. I did apologize for doing so, acknowledging that it wasn’t my place to divulge that information, even if my intentions were to smooth things over between them. At this point, I’m really struggling with whether I should keep fighting for our relationship. On one hand, I understand that Sarah’s feelings are valid, and I can see how it might be difficult for her to be okay with the ongoing communication between me and Alexandria. On the other hand, I feel that she’s making this a bigger issue than it needs to be. I’ve never hidden anything from her, and I’ve always been transparent about the situation with my ex, but now it feels like she’s letting her insecurities get in the way of what we have. I don’t want to lose Sarah, but I also don’t know how to fix things when the core issue seems to be her discomfort with my ex, which I can’t entirely change. Sarah is amazing with my kids, and we’ve had no issues on that front, but her feelings about Alexandria seem to be putting a wedge between us. I’m really torn and unsure how to move forward. Should I keep fighting for this relationship, or is this something that I just can’t fix?138
Iskandar OthmanIskandar Othman