Sulaiman Musa2 months agoI (36F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (39M) for almost five years now. In the beginning, he was warm, kind, and caring. He would call me beautiful, wonderful, and made me feel really special. About a month into the relationship, he told me that he loved me and wanted to move in together. He pushed the idea until, after four months, we moved in. At the time, I felt something was a little off, but I chalked it up to being used to my freedom after coming out of a 12-year relationship, and only being single for six months before meeting him. However, after about a year, his behavior started changing. He became extremely critical of everything I did—how I did the dishes, the laundry, the cooking. He would comment on how I interacted with others or the decisions I made at work. He would tell me I was weak or too sensitive. Over time, his criticism has only gotten worse. He’s said things like, “It’s incredible you have a job with how stupid you are,” or “You’re being disrespectful and were poorly raised.” He also has a deep dislike for my family—my parents and my brother. Even though our relationship isn’t perfect, they’ve never mistreated him. But he talks badly about them, refuses to spend time with them, and criticizes me for being close to them. This extends to pretty much everyone. He doesn’t want to see any of my friends, and when I have them over, he wants them to leave quickly. Afterward, he bad-mouths them and says he doesn’t understand why I’m friends with them. When my beloved grandmother passed away just after New Year’s last year, he told me he couldn’t handle my grief and that I needed to “get it together.” He said he had his own problems and couldn’t deal with me constantly talking about it. Of the almost five years we’ve been together, he’s been unemployed for about two and a half years. He’s been fired from several jobs, and it’s always someone else’s fault. Even though he doesn’t work, I still do everything—cooking, cleaning, laundry—all while working full-time myself. If he does something like washing the car, he says it’s only fair I help because it’s such a “huge task.” But then, he’ll switch moods completely and become sweet, kind, and loving, calling me the most beautiful person he’s ever met. When that happens, I feel like I’m back to square one, feeling like everything is okay. Now, I’m left wondering: Is this an abusive relationship, or am I just being too sensitive? I know this is all from my point of view, which might make things seem skewed, but I’m really struggling to understand whether this is normal or if I’m being mistreated.128
Sulaiman MusaSulaiman Musa