Francisc Ovidia2 months agoLast night, my (33M) girlfriend (34F) and I had a bit of an argument that started over a video call but quickly shifted to text. It all began when she mentioned how many calories she was under the recommended amount for women. She said she had been hungry earlier and had a protein yogurt, then had another later. I knew she had just bought a bunch of protein and diet foods, so I made a playful remark about how she’d go through them too quickly. It wasn’t a serious comment, just me jokingly telling her off in a lighthearted way. She asked if I was telling her off, and I responded with “Yes,” still joking, with a smile, not intending to criticize her eating choices. But she seemed put off and said “Mhhmm,” which made me think she might be playing along. So, I asked her, “Whaaaaat?” hoping she’d clarify if she was still joking or if something was wrong. She didn’t reply, so I tried to reassure her by saying I wasn’t being serious. However, she responded with another “Mhhmm” and stopped engaging in the conversation. After a few moments of silence, she said, “Well, I’m just going to go then,” to which I replied, “Bye.” As we were hanging up, she called me a “child” in a snarky tone. I waited a minute and then tried calling her back, but she declined. So, I sent a message explaining that I had never commented on what or how much she could eat and that my tone was lighthearted. I also pointed out that I was trying to resolve the situation by asking her to communicate, but she wasn’t engaging, and I felt like I didn’t know what else to do. I also called her out for her snarky “child” remark. Her response was that I was “gaslighting” her and being rude. She accused me of spinning the situation to make her look bad and doubled down on calling me a “child.” I understood how she might’ve felt that I was commenting on her eating, but to me, it was more about making the food last, and I wasn’t being serious about it. I apologized and said I didn’t realize I was being rude. She then sent me two voice messages explaining that she didn’t understand how I couldn’t see I was being rude and that I should’ve realized immediately she was upset. She felt dismissed when I said I was “messing around” and not being serious. She pointed out that I said “It’s not serious” instead of “I’m not being serious,” and although I didn’t think I said it that way, I apologized for possibly misspeaking or misremembering. I acknowledged that I could’ve handled her feelings better and should’ve addressed her concerns more clearly. Then she said I was in a mood because I wasn’t admitting it was all her fault. This left me feeling confused and frustrated, as I was genuinely trying to have an open conversation but didn’t know how to move forward.131
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