Sydnie Kennith2 months agoI (27F) have been with my partner (28M) for almost five years. He’s an incredibly loyal and generous person, always supportive and never judgmental. He would do anything for me, and I rely on him for a lot. We were head over heels in love in the beginning, and our relationship moved quickly—we moved in together and got engaged. However, about a year ago, I started to have doubts. I question my own desires in life, such as my career, sexual orientation, and where I want to live. We even tried living abroad, but he didn’t like it, so we returned home. There are external factors at play, but I also struggle with his behavior. He’s extremely defensive—whenever I bring up any issues, he immediately shuts me down or reacts negatively, often crying, which makes me feel guilty and avoids the resolution of the problem. In the early years, he promised he would go to therapy, but after one session, he never followed through, and nothing was mentioned again. He’s lied to me a few times, the latest being about spending money when we were supposed to be saving. He also tends to forget a lot of what I ask or tell him, which really frustrates me. He doesn’t put in much effort to change his behaviors, apart from apologizing and then continuing as he always has. While he’s happy staying in one job and one place, I feel the need to move around and live a more adventurous life, and it’s clear that we’re on different paths. Part of me wonders if we’ve just reached the end of our relationship, as I sometimes feel like I want more or a different direction in life. Honestly, I don't even want to be committed right now. His behavior, coupled with my own feelings of uncertainty, causes me a lot of anxiety. I don’t want to leave because I know it will break him, and I would definitely miss him and our life together. But staying with him while I’m unsure doesn’t feel fair to either of us, and I feel guilty for even thinking about leaving. What makes this decision even harder is that I go back and forth—I sometimes want to stay, but then I’m faced with all these issues and doubts. I’m also afraid of being alone and unsure of how to make this decision. Please let me know if there are any questions that could help me better articulate this. TL;DR: I keep going back and forth about my relationship, my life choices, and what I want. I’m unsure if I should end things and move on or try to work things out for my partner’s sake.147
Sydnie KennithSydnie Kennith