Merideth Keria month agoI (22F) and my partner (23M) have been together for almost four years. Recently, we got into an argument because he chose to play games with his friends instead of spending time with me on multiple occasions. I know it might seem petty, but here’s what happened: He would tell me we could play together, but then he’d ask if he could play with his friends instead. When I got hurt by this, he would get frustrated with me. After the argument, he told me that he’s his own person and that I need to find something else to do. We don’t even play games together anymore, and this is really bothering me. Advice: It sounds like there’s a disconnect between your expectations for spending quality time together and his focus on his hobbies, like playing games with his friends. This is a common issue in relationships, especially when both partners have different interests or ways of unwinding. Here are a few steps to navigate this situation: Communicate Your Needs: It’s clear you’re feeling hurt and neglected, but he may not realize how his actions are affecting you. Instead of focusing on the specifics of his gaming habits, it might help to express how it makes you feel when he prioritizes his friends over you. For example, saying something like, “I really value our time together, and when we make plans, I’d love to be a priority instead of always being second to your gaming sessions,” can open up a productive conversation. Set Boundaries and Compromises: Relationships thrive on balance. If you enjoy spending time together, it’s okay to set boundaries around activities like gaming. Perhaps you could suggest a designated time to play together, making sure it’s part of your routine, rather than him getting distracted by other things. This could be a fun way to bond over something you both enjoy. Respect Each Other’s Interests: While it’s important to spend quality time together, it’s also vital to respect each other’s personal time and hobbies. His gaming is a way for him to relax and connect with friends, just as you might have your own activities. Try to find a balance where both of you feel fulfilled, and neither partner feels neglected. Understand the Bigger Picture: If his response to you is, "I'm my own person," it could indicate that he feels like he’s losing a sense of individuality in the relationship. This is normal in long-term relationships but requires understanding. Take time to discuss how you both can maintain your independence while still nurturing the relationship. Revisit Your Relationship Goals: It might also help to discuss where you both see the relationship going and what each of you needs to feel valued and secure. If he’s not seeing the need to prioritize you, this could be a sign of deeper emotional disconnect or a pattern of not meeting each other’s needs. Ultimately, this is an opportunity for both of you to listen to each other’s concerns, understand each other’s feelings, and find a compromise that strengthens your relationship. It might not be about “winning” the argument, but rather creating a dynamic where both partners feel heard and respected. 131
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Merideth KeriMerideth Keri