Moira Ualan2 months agoMy fiancé (25M) and I (26F) are struggling with how to fairly split household chores. We’ve been living together for 11 months, and lately, it feels like we’re constantly arguing about cleaning. I’m a first-year teacher and a national guardsman in a leadership role, which has made this year particularly stressful. When I come home to a messy house, it only adds to my overwhelm. My fiancé recently quit his job as a cafeteria manager to pursue a higher-paying opportunity. Before, he would get home an hour earlier than I did, which gave him some time to tidy up. Now, though, he’s been home more, and I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to prioritize cleaning. We’ve tried designating a 'cleaning day' where we each tackle different areas of the house, but I often find myself doing most of the work while he says he’ll get to it eventually. We also attempted a chore list to help him manage his tasks, but even with advance notice, he still doesn’t follow through. During one argument, I asked him to clean just one area while I tidied up, but instead, he spent that time job hunting. While I understand his need to find work, it felt frustrating because I was asking for just one small task. He’s mentioned that my standards might be too high, but I think it’s reasonable to expect a clean home—especially after we dealt with a roach problem. I find myself doing the bulk of the tidying and deep cleaning every couple of weeks, which leaves me feeling like an overwhelmed single parent. This cycle of arguments has even led us to discuss breaking up at times. Although he has been more helpful since he’s between jobs, I’ve noticed that his efforts come in waves—he’ll be engaged for a week or so, then revert back to his old habits. I want to find a way for us to maintain a clean home without it affecting our relationship. What have other couples done to keep their homes tidy while still nurturing their love for each other?136
Moira UalanMoira Ualan