Katy Abrama month agoMy gf(22F) of 3 years and me(23M) are separating because of a potential future Last year we had a conversation about having children that happened, and I ended up deciding to break up. I knew how she felt about that subject and how scared and unhappy she would be if she had them. That lasted like 24 hours because she suggested we talk again because she felt she didn’t sort her thoughts enough for us to fully understand each other. In our talk she said that depending on the circumstances, she would consider having children. She spoke to her mother about it as well and she said that we shouldn’t think about those things right now and should focus on our relationship now. Last month she told me she still didn’t want kids. Which I understand. Kids are a huge responsibility and require a lot of patience and sacrifice. It’s not a cutesy pet, it’s a human life. I took a few days to think about it. I searched online, listened to music, read a chapter from a book a psychologist gave me relating to relationships and I thought of where we were at in the relationship. She’s literally the perfect person through and through. She inspires me to be the best version of myself. That I don’t need to filter who I am to be loved. And she fully believes in my dreams. The possibility of kids very much far away. I don’t see myself having kids in the next 10 years. I need to see the world, grow my career and DEFINITELY grow as a person. I want to do all of that by her side. I much rather enjoy the wonderful person I have in front of me right now than to think about a potential future. To tell her all of this, I picked her up, and we sat on a bench at the place where we had our first date. She seemed to have been ok with what I said and agreed to continue growing together and to keep checking up on each other along the way. For the last couple of weeks I had noticed she has seemed kind of off. I didn’t question it because whenever we were together it felt like everything was fine. Christmas Eve came around and we spent time together and visited our family. During Christmas time I tend to not have a good time but with her, this year in particular, felt extra special. Last Friday she called me to talk and tell me she was still worried about how we felt about kids and that those thoughts along with my faults in the relationship made her worry about how a future together would look like. I asked her if she wanted to break up right now. She told me she doesn’t see us being together at the end regardless of how much time passes as if there was this countdown leading towards our end. After that I told her I understood and respected her thoughts. Told her I was thankful for all the amazing things she brought into my life and since and broke things off. I don’t want things to be fully over and want to continue moving forward with her but I’m scared of repeating the same thing again—of me being the one to ask her to talk and get back together, only for us to end up where we were in a year. She’s currently having a really rough time in her live (she lost several family members this year, amoung other things) and even though that doesn’t explain why this is happening I feel that pain influenced her thoughts on the future. Again, I am worried about that future, but I can put aside a potential future and fully enjoy this person now. TL;DR: Last year, I broke up with my partner over disagreements about having children, but we reconciled when she said she was open to reconsidering. Recently, she expressed still not wanting kids, which I understood. After reflecting, I realized I don’t want kids anytime soon either and value growing with her. However, a few weeks ago she seemed off, and after a conversation, she said she didn’t see a future together. I respected her decision and ended things, though I’m torn about whether to try to mend things or move on, especially since she’s going through a tough time. I'm meeting her tomorrow to collect my things and expect more discussion. Should I try to mend things and continue being with her (if she wants to ofc) or should I move on and let her go?1936
Katy AbramKaty Abram