Jovica Ivo Ivoa month agoI’m a 27-year-old male and I’m reaching out for some advice on a situation with my fiancé, who is also 27. I recently lost my aunt to breast cancer, and her funeral is scheduled for this coming Saturday, right after Christmas. It’s been a tough time for my family, and I’ve been trying to navigate this while also considering my fiancé’s feelings. From the beginning, my fiancé expressed her desire to attend the funeral, which I appreciated. However, I also wanted to make it clear that she didn’t have to feel obligated to go since I wasn’t particularly close to my aunt. I realize now that my tendency to please others may have contributed to her frustration with my suggestion. This week, my fiancé had already made plans for a night out with her friends the Friday before the funeral. I was completely fine with this until I saw the weather forecast predicting snow late Friday night into Saturday morning. My family lives about an hour away from the funeral home, and we had discussed renting an Airbnb to ensure we could make it to the service without any issues. Initially, we talked about driving down together after her night out, but I started to feel anxious about the potential snow. I mentioned to her that I might want to leave earlier on my own to avoid getting stuck in bad weather, and that it was okay if she wanted to go out with her friends. This suggestion led to a major upset on her part. She felt like I was “leaving her behind” and that I didn’t want her there, especially since I had previously said she didn’t have to go. The conversation escalated, and she expressed that it seemed like I didn’t care about her feelings. I tried to explain my perspective, but I was also feeling stressed about the logistics of getting to the funeral. We ended up talking for a while, and I apologized for making her feel excluded, but I didn’t feel like I received any acknowledgment for how hurt I felt by her reaction. This morning, she seemed to be back to her usual self, but I’m still struggling with the hurt from last night. I want to communicate my feelings to her, but I’m worried about starting another argument. I’ve faced similar situations with her before, but this one feels more intense, and I’m unsure how to approach it. If anyone has advice on how to express my feelings without escalating the situation, or if you have suggestions on how I could have handled things better, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!136
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