Milana Stanaa month agoI (18M) am facing a tough decision regarding my girlfriend (18F) after she shared some personal struggles that have impacted our relationship. She grew up without a father, who left when she was very young. This absence has influenced how she interacts with other men, leading her to experience fleeting attractions whenever she receives attention from someone who isn’t me. She has been open about this, explaining that these feelings are typically short-lived, usually fading within a day or two, and she reassures me that they don’t last more than a week. I’ve been supportive and understanding, always trying to make her feel loved and validated, hoping to help her work through these feelings. She has expressed her love for me and her regret over these attractions, and she’s made a conscious effort to suppress them and remain loyal to our relationship. However, about a month ago, two weeks before she disclosed this to me, she developed a crush on a guy from her class. This time, she acted on her feelings. He was part of a group project, and they interacted regularly. I later found a conversation between her and a friend that troubled me deeply. In it, she expressed excitement about seeing this guy at a mosque event, referring to him as "marriageable" and lamenting that he didn’t notice her. She also commented on how he looked better in person and shared her insecurities about her appearance. What hurt the most was that she had introduced me to all her non-Muslim friends, but this particular friend didn’t know about me because my girlfriend felt uncomfortable discussing her "sins." When I confronted her about the messages, it took a day of back-and-forth, with her offering multiple excuses and even making me feel guilty for not believing her. Eventually, she admitted to what had happened, but it felt like pulling teeth to get the truth out of her. She assured me that she didn’t genuinely care for this guy and that her actions stemmed from her mental struggles, not from a real attraction. She promised it wouldn’t happen again and that she would be more respectful of our relationship moving forward. Despite her tears and apologies during our call, I’m left feeling shattered. While I understand that fleeting attractions can happen, her behavior—fawning over him and sharing those intimate thoughts with a friend—felt incredibly disrespectful. I love her, but I can’t shake off the disappointment and hurt. She has asked me several times for another chance, promising to improve and be more mindful of our relationship. I’m torn between my feelings for her and the respect I have for myself. I worry that getting back together might lead to losing that respect, and I’m unsure if I can fully trust her again. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I'd also appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with similar emotional struggles or experiences in their relationships. How did you handle it, and what steps did you take to rebuild trust?131
Milana StanaMilana Stana