Jody Pattya month ago"I met a man on a matrimonial/dating app, and from the beginning, we were both clear that we wanted to get married after getting to know each other. After two or three months of talking, I asked him about his intentions, and he said he would talk to his mother about me and let me know. We stopped talking for a week after this conversation, but then I reached out to him about something, and we resumed talking. Since then, I didn't ask about whether he spoke to his mother or not. A few more months went by, and this week we had another conversation where I asked if I could talk to my parents about him. He said to give him around three months to talk to his parents first, especially since he would be traveling back to his home country, where both his parents and I live. At the beginning of our conversation, he seemed eager to introduce me to his parents early, but this delay felt different than what we initially discussed. I then mentioned that I thought he had already spoken to his mother, and I sent a message saying that while I’m not the best judge of people, I have a feeling that something doesn’t seem right here. He hasn’t replied, and it’s been a whole day. Did I say something wrong, or is my intuition telling me that something might be off?" Answer: It seems like your instincts might be picking up on something that doesn’t quite feel right, but it's important to look at the situation objectively as well. Here are a few considerations: Communication and Expectations: You’ve been upfront and clear about your intentions, which is great. However, it seems like there’s a bit of back-and-forth in his responses. The initial eagerness to introduce parents followed by delays and vague answers could be creating some confusion and mixed signals. It’s important to clarify expectations and timelines, but it’s also worth considering that some people may need more time to have serious conversations with their families, especially in cultures where family involvement is significant. Your Intuition: Trusting your gut is essential, but try not to jump to conclusions based solely on one instance. Sometimes people take longer to open up or follow through on their commitments. However, the fact that he didn't reply to your message could suggest that your directness may have caught him off guard, or perhaps he’s not comfortable addressing your concerns. Timing and Approach: It might help to be more patient and give him the time he’s asked for to speak with his parents. At the same time, you could follow up after some time has passed to discuss your concerns openly. It’s okay to express that you're feeling unsure or confused about his actions. Being transparent about your feelings while being respectful of his situation could help you better understand his intentions. Addressing Concerns: Instead of saying something feels “wrong,” it might help to ask him directly about your concerns. For example, “I’ve noticed some delays and I’m just curious if everything is okay, or if there’s something you’re unsure about regarding our discussions.” This keeps the conversation more focused on understanding rather than sounding like an accusation. Overall, it doesn’t seem like you said anything wrong, but how you approach the situation moving forward could determine how things unfold. It’s important to continue being open with each other, but also be aware of your own feelings and boundaries as you move forward in this relationship. If the delays and lack of transparency continue, then it might be a sign to reassess how aligned your goals and values are. 261
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