Tibor Andreaa month agoI (29F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (30M) for the past five years. Throughout our time together, we’ve faced challenges within both our families, but it has become increasingly clear that my boyfriend's family dynamic is particularly toxic. For the last three years, my boyfriend has taken on the responsibility of caring for his father (60M), which has required him to decline job offers to remain close to them. However, this duty has morphed into something unhealthy. His mother (55F) and sister (25F) have begun to treat him less like a son and more like a servant, issuing commands rather than asking for help. They expect him to handle various household tasks—like cleaning the parking space, tidying the hallway of their apartment, or chopping wood in the garden—without any consideration for his time or feelings. If he is unable to fulfill their demands, they react with anger, framing him as an ungrateful son. Their constant fighting adds to the toxic atmosphere, and my boyfriend has become the go-to person for all physical labor. He even made special arrangements with his boss to leave work easily to help them, yet they still expect him to drop everything whenever they call, often disregarding his own commitments. I’ve noticed that every time they reach out, it’s solely to demand something from him, with little interest in his life or well-being. The harsh criticism he faces from them—being shouted at for not completing tasks quickly enough or for not doing them “correctly”—has taken a toll on his mental health. As a result, I often feel like an outsider in his family. His sister has even suggested that, as his future sister-in-law, I should contribute more to the family, which adds to my anxiety each time I interact with them. I worry about the potential for conflict and how they might perceive us. My boyfriend has expressed that he feels more at ease around my family, who appreciate him for the kind person he is, and they struggle to understand why his family treats him this way. Several friends have advised my boyfriend to consider going "no contact" with his family, and we’ve discussed the possibility of moving to a different city to create some distance. However, he feels a strong attachment to them, making complete disconnection difficult. We’re at a crossroads and would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation. While we recognize that moving away might be a step toward healthier boundaries, we’re looking for strategies to manage his family dynamics in a way that protects his emotional well-being while maintaining some level of connection.11.1K
Tibor AndreaTibor Andrea