Margaretta Lamara month ago Help With Sorting Out Gift and Holiday Planning Issues with My Girlfriend Hi everyone, I (23M) am looking for advice on how to handle some holiday-related issues with my girlfriend (24F). We’ve been together for just over a year, and these issues didn’t seem like a big deal at first, but I’ve ended up feeling sad and disappointed about them. I tend to go all out on holidays and gifts for the people I care about. For example, I spent a few hundred dollars individually on gifts and plans for Valentine’s Day, her birthday, and Christmas this past year. I didn’t grow up with much family, so now that I’m more financially stable, I like to put extra effort into making the holidays special for those I care about. On the other hand, my girlfriend comes from a large, very close-knit family. She spent Christmas with her family, which wasn’t an issue. I knew she’d be there, and I didn’t expect her to invite me. But before Christmas, we’d been talking for weeks about exchanging gifts. I spent quite a bit of money and effort picking out thoughtful presents for her, but when it came time for gifts, she didn’t get me anything. Around the same time, she said she wanted to plan something special for my birthday, especially since I planned her birthday. But when New Year’s Eve came (which is also my birthday), there were no plans, no gifts, and no reservations—nothing. I had planned a large dinner with her and all her friends, paid for the entire dinner, and bought gifts for her last birthday. I had hoped things would be different for my birthday, but they weren’t. We also had a similar issue on Valentine’s Day, where she didn’t reciprocate the gift-giving. I’d hoped things would be different this year, but they weren’t. I initially tried to bring it up after New Year’s, and she said she’s really bad at planning and gets overwhelmed with the details. I understand that, especially since we both have ADHD. She even offered for me to treat myself to something expensive using her credit card, but I declined because it didn’t feel the same. It’s not about the value of the gift for me, but rather the thought and effort behind it. Every gift I’ve gotten her has been carefully planned based on things she loves, like tickets to her favorite band, a boat tour of a city she’s wanted to see, and a signed autograph from her favorite actor. But I would’ve been perfectly happy with something as simple as flowers or a movie date. I brought this up again a few days later because I felt like we should set clear expectations for future holidays and gift-giving—what to expect and what not to expect. I told her that I’d feel uncomfortable continuing to go all out on gifts and plans if they weren’t going to be reciprocated. She cried during the conversation, which she tends to do during discussions like this (we don’t fight, but she breaks down when we have disagreements). After that, we didn’t really set any clear expectations, and I’m still feeling a bit sad and disappointed. Now, whenever we talk, things feel a little awkward. It seems like this issue has turned into something bigger than it actually is, and I’m not sure how to move forward. TL;DR: My girlfriend doesn’t reciprocate gifts during holidays after saying she would, and I’m feeling disappointed about it. How do I address this in a way that doesn’t make things awkward?139
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Margaretta LamarMargaretta Lamar