Madison Bazzaa month agoI’m 24 (female) and my partner is 28 (male). We’ve been together for a little over a year, but there’s something that’s been bothering me, and I’m struggling to shake it off. It feels silly, but I can’t stop thinking about it. My partner frequently uses the word “skinny” when describing women. He’ll say things like “tiny,” “skinny,” or “small,” but he never uses those words for men. I’ve asked him before why he always describes women this way instead of mentioning other things, like their hair color or skin tone, and he hasn’t really given a clear answer. For me, this is a sensitive issue. I’m a thicker woman, and my family has always praised being slim or skinny, so when my partner mentions “skinny” women, it feels like he’s focusing on something about them that stands out to him, something he might prefer. He insists it’s harmless, but I’ve expressed how this triggers me. Why does he do this? Is there a deeper reason behind it, or am I overthinking it? Advice: It’s understandable that you’re feeling this way, especially considering the personal significance your body type has for you due to your family’s influence. The fact that your partner consistently uses "skinny" to describe women, without offering other descriptive traits, can understandably make you feel like that’s something he values, perhaps more than other aspects of their appearance. It’s important to note that people sometimes have certain patterns of speech or ways of noticing features that may not necessarily reflect a deeper meaning, but more of a habitual tendency. Your partner might not realize how his words are affecting you, even though you’ve expressed your feelings. He may see these comments as neutral or even positive, without understanding that they make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. As for the idea of whether you’re overanalyzing: it’s not silly to be affected by something that triggers you emotionally. Your feelings are valid. It’s also important that you continue to express your thoughts and feelings to him, and ask for clarity on why he focuses so much on physical descriptions when talking about women. If this is a consistent pattern, it’s worth having a deeper conversation about it, especially if it makes you feel undervalued or insecure. You might also want to explore ways to talk about the specific impact this has on you, focusing on how it makes you feel rather than solely focusing on what he’s saying. This could help open up a more empathetic conversation, where he might better understand your perspective. If this continues to be a concern and causes distress, it might be worth discussing how you can both be mindful of how body types are discussed in your relationship, and work towards a more balanced way of appreciating each other’s individual traits without focusing so heavily on appearance. 150
Madison BazzaMadison Bazza