Chance Trixa month agoI (34M) cheated on my girlfriend (22F), and I deeply regret it. We started dating in June 2023. She is younger than me, has a child, and came into the relationship with some baggage from past partners. Despite that, she was always kind, caring, loyal, and supportive, and never let those past issues affect our relationship. Things were great—we never fought, and she was always loving, funny, and level-headed. To know her is to love her, and I truly believe that. Earlier in our relationship, I made a mistake. It wasn’t physical, but I exchanged inappropriate messages with a girl I knew from school many years ago. My girlfriend found out a couple of months ago, and understandably, things have been very difficult since then. I hurt her more than I ever thought was possible. She’s not the same person she once was—she’s withdrawn and distant now. After some time, she agreed to work things out, but the issue keeps resurfacing, and it’s never about anger. She’s still sweet, thoughtful, and kind to me, even though I caused her so much pain. I love her, and I would never make this mistake again. We had a wonderful year and a half together, and I want to make things right. I’m not sure how, though. I’ve apologized, and I’ve tried to prove my remorse in every way I can, but I know I’ve broken her trust, and I don’t expect that to be easy to rebuild. I’ve asked her if she wants to separate, but she’s insisted she wants to work things out, and she’s willing to give it time. She loves me deeply, and I love her too. I want to fix this and make her happy. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I’m just looking for advice—how can I fix this and rebuild the trust? Advice: It sounds like you truly regret your actions and want to make things right, but healing from betrayal takes time, patience, and a lot of work. Here are some steps that could help: Take Full Responsibility: It’s clear that you understand the gravity of what you did, but it’s important to continue taking full responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge not just the betrayal itself, but also the emotional damage it caused. Avoid any justifications for why it happened, as this can make the apology seem less sincere. Owning up fully to the hurt you've caused is crucial. Give Her Space to Heal: While it’s important to express your remorse and desire to make things right, it’s also important to respect her process of healing. If she’s withdrawn and distant, don’t push her to “get over it” or rush the process. Let her feel what she needs to feel and be patient. Healing isn’t linear, and she may need time to rebuild her trust. Consistent, Transparent Actions: Words can be powerful, but actions speak louder. Continue to show through your behavior that you’re committed to regaining her trust. Be completely transparent—this might mean sharing your phone, social media, or being open about your whereabouts if it helps ease her anxiety. Consistency over time is key to rebuilding trust. Therapy and Counseling: Since this issue keeps resurfacing, it may help both of you to seek couples therapy or individual counseling. A professional can guide you through the process of healing and rebuilding trust, offering strategies that might be hard to come up with on your own. This can also help address any underlying issues in your relationship that could be contributing to the problem. Validate Her Feelings: It’s important that you continue to validate her emotions, even if they seem difficult or overwhelming. Be empathetic to the fact that she’s carrying emotional weight because of your actions. Acknowledge how her feelings of betrayal are valid and let her know you’re there for her no matter what. Make Her Feel Loved Again: While you’re working on rebuilding trust, it’s also crucial to remind her that you love her. Do little things to show her affection, like spending quality time together, doing things she loves, and supporting her emotionally. Let her know that you appreciate and respect her, and are committed to showing up for her in the way she deserves. Respect Her Decision: If she decides she needs more time or even space apart to heal, respect that. Sometimes the best way to show love and respect is by giving someone the space they need to process their feelings. Even though you want to fix things right now, healing can’t be rushed. Remember, healing from betrayal doesn’t happen overnight, but with continued patience, empathy, and effort, it’s possible to rebuild a strong relationship. Your willingness to work on yourself and prove that you're trustworthy again is a good start, but it will take time for her to fully heal. Stay committed to the process, and be ready for the ups and downs that might come along the way. 149
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