Eveleen Glanvillea month agoI’ve recently started seeing a guy who’s nice to me, though I wouldn’t say I’m in love. We’ve spent some time together, and I told a few of my closest friends that we had slept together. Initially, I wanted to keep it private, but someone let it slip, and now my ex has found out. He sent me a long message saying he was hurt, that he never expected this from me so soon, and that he was disappointed. I really don’t know what to say to him or how to react. It makes me sad because I’ve been hoping to just have a normal, respectful relationship with him after our breakup, and I’m still not completely over him, so this situation hurts. But honestly, his reaction really disappointed me. I never thought he would react this way to something I see as relatively minor. I understand how he might feel, but I don’t understand why he felt the need to send me such a long message about it. After reading it, I felt like the conversation shifted into him trying to hurt me more, making fun of me and all. I just don’t know what to do. Possible responses or advice for you: Acknowledge his feelings but set boundaries "I understand that you're hurt and I don’t want to minimize your feelings. But, this is a situation I wasn’t prepared for, and it’s not fair to me to be treated this way. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, and it’s painful to see you react like this when I just want to move forward in a healthy way." Clarify your own feelings and intentions "I want to be open and honest about where I’m at, but it seems like there's a misunderstanding here. I’m not rushing into anything serious, and I wasn’t trying to hurt you or make you feel disrespected. I care about you, but I’m not in the same place anymore, and I think we both need to be honest about what we want moving forward." Take a step back from any negativity "I don’t want to engage in a back-and-forth that just leads to more hurt. I think we need some space to process everything. I hope you understand that I never meant to hurt you, and I don’t think it’s helpful for either of us to continue this kind of conversation." Validate your own emotions "It’s been hard for me, too. I still have feelings for you, but this situation and your reaction really surprised me. I didn’t expect this from you. It’s painful to feel like I’m being criticized or mocked when I’m just trying to figure things out for myself." If you need more specific suggestions or further clarification on how to word your responses, feel free to ask. You deserve to handle this situation in a way that prioritizes your feelings, so don’t hesitate to put yourself first!127
Eveleen GlanvilleEveleen Glanville