Nona Karaa year agoI’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for over nine months now, and there are a few habits of his that are starting to bother me and make me question our long-term compatibility. These habits seem to stem from a lack of motivation, discipline, and other factors, and I’m not sure how to handle them. First, our communication is a bit one-sided. He doesn’t like texting, and while I don’t love it either, I make the effort to ask about his day, check in on how he’s doing, and bring up interesting topics. But he rarely reciprocates and doesn’t put in the same effort, which makes keeping the conversation going difficult. Even something as simple as sending a heart emoji back to me feels meaningful to me, but he doesn’t do it. I’ve expressed this to him, but it hasn’t changed. In person, he’s more engaged, but still not as much as I am. When I visit him, I feel hurt when he spends his free time scrolling on Instagram instead of talking to me or planning activities for us. Another thing that bothers me is how he greets me when we meet. He rarely smiles, doesn’t initiate a hug, and takes hours to warm up to me. I always have to initiate physical affection, which makes me feel like he’s not excited to see me. His daily nicotine and weed habits are also a concern. While I don’t mind him smoking occasionally, he does it every day, and I worry that it’s influencing me to smoke more. He has talked about quitting both substances but hasn’t taken any action. When he goes without them, he becomes very irritable, and I’m unsure if I want to be with someone who relies on substances to regulate their mood. Money also seems to affect his emotions deeply. When big bills are coming up or he doesn’t have enough money, he gets incredibly stressed out, which feels overwhelming and leads to arguments. I understand financial stress, but his extreme reactions make it hard for me to support him in those moments. Hygiene is another issue. He often doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom or running errands, which really grosses me out. I don’t want to be a nag, but it’s hard to ignore. Lastly, his health habits have changed since he started working from home. He’s gained weight and hasn’t been exercising, even though he said he would start going to the gym this winter. We’re halfway through, and he still hasn’t done anything about it. It’s sad to see him not taking care of himself, and while I try to give him friendly advice, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I know I can’t change him, and I can only support his choices, but it’s tough because he talks about making changes but doesn’t follow through. He only sought help for his pill addiction after his best friend passed away, and it seems like he needs a big trigger or event to make changes. It’s hard to know what to do, and I feel stuck. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear how you handled it. I care about him, but I’m concerned about his lack of motivation and follow-through. Any advice would really help!153
Nona KaraNona Kara