Blake Larrya month agoMy girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship, and we don't get to see each other often. Recently, she's been struggling with her mental health, and our communication hasn't been great. Because of this, we both agreed that it might be best for us to stay friends. While we were dating, we still joked around like friends and didn't show a lot of affection towards each other, so I thought I’d be okay with transitioning to a friendship. Now, I’m feeling unsure about everything. Talking to her feels intimidating, and I’m always worried that if I say something wrong, she’ll judge me. I still have feelings for her, and she knows that, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way. I don’t want to lose her, and I'm scared of losing feelings for her over time. Is there any way to cope with being friends while still having romantic feelings for her? Advice and response: Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself time: It’s completely normal to feel confused and conflicted after transitioning from being in a relationship to just being friends. The key here is to acknowledge your feelings for her and give yourself time to adjust to the new dynamic. Being friends with someone you have feelings for can be emotionally challenging, but it’s possible to navigate it with patience and self-compassion. Set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being: Since you still have feelings for her, it's important to establish personal boundaries that will help protect your emotional health. You might want to avoid certain types of conversations or actions that could make it harder to move on, such as engaging in overly affectionate behavior or discussing things that feel too intimate. It’s okay to maintain some distance in the beginning as you adjust to this new friendship. Communicate openly with her: Since you both agreed to stay friends, it’s important to have an honest conversation about the boundaries of your friendship and where you both stand emotionally. Let her know how you’re feeling and ask her how she feels, too. She might appreciate your honesty, and it could help clear up any uncertainty or awkwardness between the two of you. However, if she’s unsure or doesn’t feel the same way, be prepared for that possibility and respect her feelings. Focus on healing and self-care: While maintaining a friendship with someone you have feelings for can be difficult, it’s also an opportunity to focus on your own healing and self-care. Take time to do things that make you happy, whether that’s focusing on hobbies, spending time with other friends, or improving your own well-being. This will not only help you manage your feelings but will also give you the space you need to evaluate the friendship from a healthy emotional standpoint. Avoid rushing the healing process: It’s understandable that you’re scared of losing feelings for her or of her moving on, but healing and coping with a breakup (even if it's a transition to friendship) takes time. Don’t rush the process or expect yourself to “get over it” quickly. Let your feelings evolve naturally, and trust that over time, you’ll find a way to either move forward in the friendship or potentially gain clarity about your feelings. Be gentle with yourself: It’s okay to feel scared or unsure right now. Remember, it’s a big adjustment to shift from a romantic relationship to a platonic one, and you’re doing your best. Be kind to yourself and don’t hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. If you need time apart or space to process your emotions, it’s okay to take that space for yourself. What you can do next: Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself time to adjust to the new friendship. Set boundaries to ensure that you're protecting your emotional well-being. Have an open conversation with her about how you both feel and where you stand emotionally. Focus on healing, self-care, and doing things that make you feel fulfilled. Trust the process and don’t rush your feelings; allow them to evolve naturally. By being patient with yourself and giving both of you space to adjust, you'll be better equipped to handle the situation in a healthy way. It’s okay to feel uncertain, but taking care of yourself emotionally will help you move forward, whether that means continuing as friends or gaining clarity on your feelings. 39
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