Arlo Laciea month agoHi everyone, A bit of background: I’m 32 (Chinese) and my wife is 26 (European). We've been together for about 2.5 years, married for 1, and we're expecting our first baby soon. Overall, we have a great relationship, but we struggle when it comes to arguments. Small disagreements often escalate into bigger conflicts. The first major argument we had was when I became a guarantor for my parents’ debt. My parents are involved in property development, and they needed me to guarantee some loans for a property. I never thought it would be a big deal since they have built up a strong financial base, and the property could always be sold if needed. I saw it as helping them, since they've always supported me, including helping me get my own house. However, my wife felt it was a way for them to take advantage of me, trapping me in debt, and she was frustrated that it was affecting our ability to buy our own home. She asked my parents to sell one of their properties to release me as a guarantor, which they were reluctant to do at first. After some back and forth, they agreed, but my parents made a comment that she was being “selfish” for asking this, which upset her. We talked about it, and while I was more understanding of my parents’ position, she was hurt by their comment. During the argument, she called me a “f***ing idiot,” which really shocked me because she’s usually not like that. I asked for an apology, but while she apologized, it felt insincere. Since then, things have been a bit strained between her and my parents, even though they have been supportive in many ways, including financially helping with our wedding and honeymoon. Fast forward to yesterday, we had another big argument. My parents made pork buns for us, and since my wife is pregnant and avoiding alcohol, I asked my parents not to put any cooking wine in them. The next day, when I offered her some buns for lunch, she refused because she didn’t believe my parents had left out the alcohol, despite them assuring us multiple times. I felt like she was being unfair to my parents, especially considering how much they’ve supported us. She got upset with me, saying I was choosing my parents over her. I tried to defend my parents, saying they didn’t deserve the distrust, but this led to a huge argument. She became overwhelmed, swearing and saying she couldn’t do this anymore. She also said that if things keep going like this, she wasn’t sure the marriage would work. I feel like every disagreement, no matter how small, ends with her crying or lashing out, and I get blamed for pushing her to this point, even though I try to remain calm. I don’t want our marriage to end over small arguments, especially with a baby on the way. But I also feel like I can’t win any disagreements, and it always leads to her getting upset. What can I do to help improve our communication and prevent these blowups?145
Arlo LacieArlo Lacie