Korbin Lorria month agoI (19M) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (19F), and lately, I’ve been feeling uneasy about her partying habits. We’re in college, and she enjoys going out to frat parties and drinking with her friends. She says that she goes out to have fun and dance with her friends, not to be around guys. However, I’ve told her that I’m uncomfortable with her getting really drunk at these parties, and she doesn’t think it’s a problem. I’ve expressed my concern that it’s dangerous and leaves her in a vulnerable state, but she says she plans to quit drinking after college, so she feels it’s okay to party and blackout for the next few years. When she’s out, she’s always good about keeping in touch with me, texting and calling even when she’s drunk. Despite that, I still feel uneasy about it and don’t know how to approach the situation. I love her, and I don’t want to leave, but I’m unsure about how to handle it. Any advice? Response & Advice: Communicate Your Concerns Calmly: It’s clear that you care deeply about her, but you’re also concerned about her well-being. It’s important to express your feelings calmly and without judgment. Instead of framing the conversation around what she’s doing wrong, focus on how her actions make you feel. For example, say something like, “I feel worried when you get really drunk at parties because I care about you and your safety.” This might help her understand that it’s not about controlling her, but about your genuine concern for her. Set Boundaries: It’s crucial in any relationship to have boundaries that respect both people’s values and concerns. You can let her know that while you respect her choice to party, you’re not comfortable with certain behaviors, like excessive drinking or blacking out. Be clear about what you’re okay with and what you’re not. For example, you can ask that she keeps in touch and makes sure to stay safe, but you can also express that you’re not okay with her getting to the point of blacking out. Understand the Bigger Picture: It seems like her plan to quit drinking after college is a big part of her mindset, but it’s important to ask yourself whether this is something you can accept. If her partying habits are causing discomfort now, how do you think they might affect the relationship in the long run? College is a time of exploration and self-discovery, but it’s also important for both partners to support each other’s well-being and values. Have a conversation with her about the long-term impact of her choices on both of your futures. Find Common Ground: Relationships are about compromise. Maybe you can find a middle ground where she still enjoys going out and partying with her friends, but you feel more comfortable with it. Discuss how she can still have fun while respecting your feelings. Perhaps she could set limits on how much she drinks or prioritize safety by going out with people who look out for each other. Or, if you’re still uncomfortable with her behavior, you both need to have a conversation about how you can work together to meet each other’s needs and values. Evaluate the Relationship: You’re clearly invested in the relationship, but if her partying is making you feel consistently uncomfortable and anxious, it’s important to ask yourself whether this relationship is fulfilling your needs. Sometimes, a relationship requires more than just love and good intentions—it requires compatibility in values and lifestyle choices. If her partying lifestyle doesn’t align with what you want for your future, it’s okay to reevaluate whether the relationship can work in the long term. Final Thoughts: The most important thing is to have open, honest conversations and set boundaries that respect both of your needs. You don’t have to compromise your feelings, but you also need to be realistic about her values and your ability to cope with the situation. If it feels like there’s a constant conflict, it might be worth considering whether this relationship is right for both of you in the long run. Trust your instincts and communicate openly about how you’re feeling. 135
Korbin LorriKorbin Lorri