Jordon Cailyna month agoI’m a 21-year-old guy who’s never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship. After working on myself for years, I feel like I’m in a decent place to start dating, but I’m still facing some challenges that make me hesitant. I live with my mom, and honestly, I don’t feel great about it. With the way things are financially, I’m not going to be able to move out for another 3-5 years, and I’ve made some poor financial decisions in the past. For example, my car payment is $498 a month, and while I’m planning to refinance, it’s still too much. I worry that any girl I date will see that I live with my mom and will ask about my finances, and then see that I’ve made a lot of bad decisions. If something happened and I got kicked out, I’d be homeless, even though I’m building up some savings. I have this dream of eventually getting an apartment with a girlfriend, but I know from reading online that it’s not always a great idea because relationships sometimes don’t last, and I wouldn’t be able to afford rent on my own if that happened. So I feel like I’m stuck. Should I even be dating right now? I feel like I need to work on my finances first, and spending money on dates is just taking away from savings that could help me move out eventually. Am I being naive about this? I’m on dating apps, but honestly, it doesn’t excite me much. I get maybe one match a week, and most of the time, the conversations don’t go anywhere because it takes hours or days for the other person to respond. Response & Advice: Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: First off, it’s important to acknowledge that you’re working on yourself, and that’s something to be proud of. You’ve recognized areas where you want to improve—your finances, your living situation—and you’re taking steps to address them. That’s a huge accomplishment. Everyone has things they’re working through, and it’s okay to be in a phase of growth. Focus on Yourself First: It sounds like you have a lot going on with your finances and your living situation, and it's totally okay to prioritize these aspects of your life before jumping into a relationship. A healthy relationship requires both people to feel stable and secure, and you’re doing the right thing by focusing on your personal growth first. Taking care of your financial health will make you feel more confident in yourself when the right time for dating comes. Being Honest and Transparent: If you do decide to pursue a relationship, being open about your situation could be helpful. If someone truly cares about you, they’ll understand that you’re working on bettering yourself. Every person’s journey is different, and a partner who appreciates your growth mindset will see the bigger picture. In terms of your living situation, many people are in similar positions where they have to live with family for a while as they get their finances in order. It’s all about being upfront about where you are and where you’re headed. Finances and Relationships: You’re right to consider how finances play into relationships. If you're not in a place to comfortably afford things like rent or other living expenses, it might be best to wait until you're more financially stable before making big commitments like living with someone. It’s good to have that awareness of the future, and it shows that you’re thinking realistically. You don’t want to get into a situation that could cause additional stress later on. Dating Apps Aren’t Everything: If dating apps aren’t sparking excitement for you right now, that’s okay. Sometimes the pressure of dating apps can feel overwhelming or uninspiring. It’s perfectly fine to take a step back from them if they’re not providing the connection you're looking for. Real-life connections often come when you least expect them. In the meantime, focus on developing your own hobbies, passions, and friendships. This will naturally attract people who resonate with your interests and values. Don’t Rush the Process: You don’t have to rush into a relationship just because you feel like you “should” be dating. If you feel like you need time to work on your financial situation and emotional well-being, it’s perfectly okay to take that time. Relationships are a big commitment, and it’s better to feel ready and grounded before diving in. Plus, when you do enter a relationship from a place of stability, you’ll likely have a better chance at building something meaningful and long-lasting. Final Thoughts: It’s totally normal to feel uncertain about dating when you’re focused on other aspects of your life. Take the time you need to feel good about where you’re at, and when the time comes to pursue a relationship, you’ll be in a stronger position to make it work. In the meantime, focus on your personal goals, and trust that everything will fall into place when the time is right. You're doing well, and you’re headed in the right direction!167
Jordon CailynJordon Cailyn