Anita Wandaa month agoI’m 22 years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, which might seem unusual since many people start dating around 14 or 15. But it’s not that I’ve never had feelings for someone or had crushes. Back in Grade 9, I had a huge crush on a guy in my class, and we got along well, but then my best friend ended up dating him. A few years later, while I was attending an IELTS class, I developed an attraction to another guy. We would chat on Instagram, and there was some flirting involved from both sides, but things took a turn when he crossed a line, and I ended up blocking him. Lastly, in college, I had a crush on a guy, but he was so intimidating that I never managed to talk to him. I’ve always been content being single, but recently, I’ve started feeling like I’m missing out on something, especially when I see younger people in relationships. It makes me think, “I want to experience that too.” Also, being from Nepal, I know it won’t be long before my parents start bringing up marriage, and I don’t want to be one of those people who gets married without dating or having a boyfriend first. While I’ve always been attracted to men, I’ve recently started questioning if I might also be attracted to women, but that’s a different topic I’d rather not get into right now. How do people typically meet their partners or manifest the kind of partner they want? I know the common advice is to “go outside more and meet people,” but as an introvert and someone who’s socially awkward, that’s a bit daunting. I’m not interested in online dating because I don’t find it reliable, and you never really know if the person you’re talking to is genuine or even the person they claim to be. Also, I struggle with approaching guys or even talking to them unless they approach me first. This is partly because, back in Grade 3 and 4, boys in my class used to bully me and tease me for being quiet, and that experience has left me with a scar. How can I work on this? Now that I feel ready to be in a relationship, I would really appreciate any tips or advice you could offer. Thank you! As for your questions and concerns, here are a few suggestions: How do people meet their partners? Many people meet their partners in a variety of ways—through friends, social events, work, or school. Some people also meet through mutual hobbies or interests, like at a book club, a fitness class, or a volunteer group. Given that you’re more introverted, perhaps focusing on smaller gatherings or shared activities might make it easier to connect with someone naturally. Manifesting the kind of partner you want: Manifesting a partner doesn’t mean just wishing for them, but also being clear about what you want in a relationship and partner. You could write down qualities you’re looking for, reflect on your values, and visualize what a healthy relationship looks like for you. Practicing self-love and making sure you’re in a healthy place emotionally will also help you attract the right kind of partner. When you’re ready to date, having a clear sense of what you value and want can help you make healthier relationship choices. Overcoming social awkwardness and fear of approaching guys: It’s completely normal to feel nervous or shy about approaching someone, especially if you’ve had negative experiences in the past. Start by working on small interactions with people you feel comfortable around, not necessarily with guys you’re attracted to. Building confidence in casual, non-romantic conversations can gradually help you feel more comfortable talking to someone you like. Additionally, consider therapy or self-help books on building confidence and overcoming past trauma related to bullying. How to work on overcoming past scars: The bullying you experienced as a child had a significant impact on your ability to talk to boys, and that’s understandable. You might find it helpful to talk through those past experiences with a therapist or counselor to heal. It’s also important to remind yourself that the world is different now, and most people won’t react to you the way those bullies did. Gradually, putting yourself in situations where you can practice engaging with others in a safe environment (like casual conversations with new acquaintances) can help you build up the trust you need in yourself. Tips for getting into a relationship: Focus on building your self-confidence. Work on hobbies and activities that make you feel good about yourself. Don’t rush into anything. Take your time getting to know people. Stay open to different types of relationships and avoid setting rigid expectations of what your partner should be like. Communication is key. Be clear about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a relationship. And most importantly, don’t settle. You deserve someone who values and respects you. Taking it one step at a time and being kind to yourself as you navigate this journey will help you when the right person comes along. 165
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