Gracelyn Stormia month agoMy boyfriend and I seem to have very different interests, and it’s starting to affect how we spend time together. He’s a huge homebody and enjoys staying in, which I can relate to sometimes, but it feels like that’s all he wants to do. I’m more open to going out and trying new things, but I always have to be the one to plan those activities, and even then, it feels like he’s not all that enthusiastic about participating. I try to engage with his interests, like playing games or talking about stocks, but I feel like he doesn’t make the same effort with mine. For example, we went to the beach today, and while I was excited to swim together, he didn’t want to and just stood in the water. It’s not that he’s not allowed to do his own thing, but it just feels like he’s not putting in the same effort to enjoy the things I like. I also feel like I’m missing out on certain experiences because he doesn’t enjoy things like going out, drinking, or spending money. I love him deeply, and we get along well, but it’s becoming a challenge to balance our different preferences. I’ve brought this up to him multiple times, but the issue keeps coming up, and it’s starting to weigh on me. For context, I’m 20 and he’s 21, so financial and future life decisions like housing and kids aren’t a concern right now. Response to your situation: It sounds like you're in a bit of a tough spot, trying to balance your needs with your boyfriend's preferences. It’s great that you’re putting in the effort to engage with his interests, but it’s completely understandable that you’d want the same level of effort from him in return. It’s important to have shared experiences, especially when you're in a relationship, so it makes sense why you’re feeling frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm for doing things you enjoy. While it’s okay that you both have different interests, finding a balance where both of you feel seen and appreciated is crucial. Since you’ve already communicated your feelings multiple times, it may help to have a deeper conversation about what each of you truly wants from your time together. Ask him if there are specific things he enjoys that he might want to do together, and express how you’re feeling when he doesn’t engage with your interests. Sometimes, it’s not that someone doesn’t care; they may just not realize how much it affects the other person until it’s discussed more deeply. Also, consider suggesting some middle-ground activities—something neither of you has tried but might both enjoy. That way, you’re meeting halfway and potentially discovering new shared interests. It’s not about “forcing” him to enjoy what you like, but rather creating opportunities for both of you to compromise and grow together. If he’s still resistant to making changes after an honest conversation, it may be worth reflecting on whether this pattern is something you can accept long-term. Relationships take work from both sides, and if one person is consistently putting in more effort than the other, it can lead to resentment. You deserve to feel supported in your interests, just as he does in his.139
Gracelyn StormiGracelyn Stormi