Lizbeth Mayraa month agoI (33F) recently went through a challenging experience that has left my partner (31M) and me in a tough spot regarding trust and communication. We've been together for nearly five years, and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant despite having an IUD in place. After confirming the pregnancy, I shared the news with my partner, who was understandably confused and anxious. He immediately suggested having an abortion. At the start of our relationship, we had discussed our views on contraception, children, and the possibility of abortion if contraception failed. We both agreed that we did not want children, and I had previously expressed that I was open to the idea of an abortion. However, after several days of worry and reflection, I realized that I couldn’t go through with an abortion if the pregnancy was viable. This revelation confused and frustrated him, as he felt he didn’t want a child forced upon him. I tried to explain that there are no guarantees with anything—abortion can fail or become impossible depending on the circumstances. Unfortunately, the pregnancy did not progress as expected, and after some medical evaluations, I experienced a miscarriage at six weeks. While my partner felt relieved by this outcome, the discussions leading up to it have created a rift in our relationship. I find myself struggling with trust, wondering if he will be there for me in the future if something goes wrong again. He, in turn, has expressed doubts about my reliability, given my change of heart regarding the abortion. He mentioned that if I can’t handle the emotional weight of an abortion once I’m pregnant, we need to make a firm decision beforehand. This feels unrealistic to me, as emotions can’t simply be controlled or decided upon in advance. Right now, I feel very alone in my grief from the miscarriage. He doesn’t fully comprehend the mix of emotions I’m experiencing—confusion, hurt, sadness, relief, and the physical toll it has taken on my body. I still do not want children, but I’ve realized that if contraception fails again, I might not be able to follow through with an abortion. I’m left wondering if there’s a way forward for us after such a significant shift in our perspectives. How can we rebuild trust and support each other through this?143
Lizbeth MayraLizbeth Mayra